Better: Not Perfect Soul Care Workbook
Chapter #8 Title: Better: Not Perfect
Lessons From My Heart To Yours
I have fallen down, disappointed people, messed up, relapsed, lost my temper, and a host of other negative actions while on this journey to better, and you will do the same. The thing to remember is to not let your failures stop you or define you. You are more than the sum total of your failures. You are getting better because when you mess up, you now know that what you did/said was wrong, and you will re-commit to trying to not stay in the negative space that you visited. In other words, you may visit chaos but it is no longer your norm and not a space where you feel comfortable. You make amends, you shed the guilt, and then let it go. That is a sure sign of getting better.
You will give grace to others by first practicing giving grace to yourself. You will rest and be a Human Being and not always a Human Doing. You will continue on a path to be open to love, quicker to forgive, and ready to practice letting go of the opinions of others that don’t serve you well or work in the interest of helping you get and be better.
The road to better is not an isolated walk through the woods. It takes a village to raise a strong woman and you will need to find a tribe, village, board of directors, scaffolding, etc. to help you on the road to recovery from perfectionism or the desire to look perfect to people that don’t matter. There’s a saying that people who care (about your imperfections) don’t matter and people that matter, don’t care. One of my best friends has another saying that I love, “if I have to stop everything to clean my house, buy something to add to my house, or relocate my house to invite you to my house, then you don’t need to be in my house.” I take this to mean, if I allow you into my sacred space and you judge me, then you have no place in my sacred space.
A Look Inside Your Heart: A Journaling Activity
When you are “being” who are you? Write down those things that come natural to you, your gifts, your traits, your strengths, all the positive attributes that you see or that others have seen in you.
A Look Inside Your Head: Getting Clear Exercise
Some of the barriers to getting better is a disconnect towards knowing our purpose for whatever phase of life we are in. We are in majors, jobs, professions that don’t truly make us happy. Those of us who work outside of the house or those who work inside of the house, spend so much time at work as you can see from the chapter 7 activity. If you are experiencing some doubt about where you are professionally or where you have charted a path towards a particular profession, it’s not too late to think through what the next few years might look like for you as you pursue a new venture. Whether you are entering the workforce or nearing retirement, everything that you listed above will play a role in your reason for being in the next phase of life. The Japanese have a term called Ikigai which literally means “Your Reason For Being”. Reflect and take some time to answer these 4 questions.
What do you enjoy most?
What are you good at?
What does the world need?
What can you get paid for?
The answers to these questions, will guide you on the journey to find your reason for being and purpose at this point in your life. Continue to explore your Ikigai every 3-5 years and affirm or change direction, vocation, or profession but always know that what you do and who you are separate and distinct aspects of “being” and who you are is always ENOUGH.