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Better: Not Perfect
Soul Care  Workbook

Chapter 1: A Hot Mess

Lessons From My Heart To Yours


Love, career and other parts of my plan didn’t come together when I was “perfect”, they came when I was ready. Things improved when I applied the "HOW" principles. That is when I became HONEST, about who I really was, (the good and the troubled parts of my life); OPEN to see things in a different way and get the help that I needed to improve the good and address my challenges; and WILLING, to take action and do something different in order to receive different results. HOW - Honest, Open, Willing.


I was so busy on a quest for a spouse who would love me that I couldn't see and value all of the people in my life who already loved me. I put my value and self-worth in the hands of others and didn't know how to love myself. 


 Sinatra did it his way and I did it my way for quite some time before realizing that my way was not always the best way. I had a plan for my life that wasn't working out the way that I wanted. It’s okay to have a plan, but it’s not ok to self-destruct or destroy others if that plan doesn’t unfold the way that I/you expected. I needed to be able to pivot but I couldn't see it. I was changing for the worse. The key is, when people who have proven that they love you, tell you that you are changing, and not for the better, believe them and seek help sooner rather than later. Continue to do it your way and you may lose another decade.

A Look Inside Your Heart Journal Activity

  1. When you look back on a shameful moment in your life, what was going on inside of you, that affected what was happening externally? Think back on a time when you felt your most confident and happy. Describe the event or time period and write down what made those moments so special? What was happening around you that affected what was inside you? Now shift gears and focus less on the event or the person and list the feelings that were stirring during those happy times. End by drawing a connection to some activity that you might do presently that could inspire those feelings to resurface. For example, running joyfully in the park with friends as a child might translate to a nature walk or joining a walking or running club today. Look for connections and give it a try.

A Look Inside Your Head: Getting Clear Exercise

Let’s take a look at your patterns: Conduct a self-inventory by reviewing your texts, blogs, journals, emails, posts, anything that you have written over the past year. What do you see? What patterns appear? Are there patterns of criticism or of praise? Are you showing up as a victim or victoriously? What are the common themes? Count and categorize them or just review them and note where you see too much of one negative pattern and not enough of a positive pattern. For example;

  1. # of posts praising or celebrating me: ______

  2. # of post praising or celebrating other people: ______

  3. # of post criticizing or pointing out a flaw in myself _____

  4. # of post criticizing or pointing out flaws in others _____

  5. # of general happy/positive experience posts _____

  6. # of general critiques or negative comment posts _____


What did your inventory tell you about where you are and what energy you are giving off in the public realm right now? What is your head telling you about the condition of your heart?

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