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Better: Not Perfect Soul Care Workbook

Chapter #3 Dying to Fit but Destined to be Different: (The tween to teen years)

Lessons From My Heart To Yours


That feeling of not fitting in does not mean that you don’t have a place in this world and a purpose to fulfil. It means that you haven’t found that purpose for this season of life or the tribe that will help you execute that purpose once it becomes known. Don’t give up on life or people. Keep showing up until the miracle happens. Actively working on learning ourselves and staying in the mindset of openness will keep us prepared for when purpose is revealed.



Loving yourself means being careful to not let seeds of bitterness take hold. That saying of people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime should help you process when relationships and friendships end and you may not receive the closure that you seek. Sometimes the closure is in the knowledge that the individual who left served a purpose, and now they don’t, so release them by continuing to live life with the belief that everyone in your life, is supposed to be there for what God has in store for you at this point. Then practice forgiveness, by not giving that person so much of your thoughts, feelings and energy, constantly redirecting your thoughts, until you gradually think of them less and it begins to hurt less.



Being an ally might cost you some relationships in the moment but in the longer term, you will see that anyone worth having in your life, whether they agree with your action or not, will not severe their ties because you did what you felt was the kind and right thing to do. As hard as it sounds and may be, if they don’t return, either a) they were never a true friend to begin with or b) their time in your story has come to an end, so release them to their destiny and be open to who will be coming next.

A Look Inside Your Heart: Journaling Activity

Was there a part of this chapter that made you think of a painful remembrance where you were mistreated or marginalized? Write about the experience and how it made you feel? What type of support would you have welcomed in that moment? If you met someone today who faced the same or a similar adversity, how would you help them? Focus on the good that you would do instead of the wrong done to you.

A Look Inside Your Head: Getting Clear Exercise

Taking a stand and helping someone isn’t always an easy thing to do but the better prepared you are, and the more you practice, the better you can become. Being an ally doesn’t always mean confronting hate, sometimes it’s just supporting the person experiencing the hate. Have you ever shown up as an ally or advocate for someone? If yes, how did it make you feel? Conversely, was there ever a time that you stayed silent and wished that you had spoken up for yourself or someone else who was being torn down or bullied? If yes, replay the event. What might you have said or done differently? It’s tough to live with regrets. Is that person still in your life and if so consider whether it might be helpful and useful to say “I wish I would have done more to support you during your difficult time. I can’t change the past, but I can promise to try to show up better next time.” If that person is no longer reachable or accessible because they may have been a stranger, or you have lost touch, or maybe they have even passed away; if that’s the case, write them an apology letter. Include your thoughts on what you might do differently if you had the chance to relive the situation. When you are done, destroy the letter, but retain the lesson learned and the feeling from the honorary apology attempt.

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